The Weekly Roundup: Plenty of walls, but few bridges

Monday, April 11

Stanford students vote against restoration of Western Civ courses

The key question, though, is whether their votes were based on social justice considerations, or simply because they didn’t want to take any more courses.

Campus rape culture: another chapter in the book of leftist lies

It turns out that no matter how many times you repeat the 1-in-5 statistic, it still doesn’t make it true.

GMU profs say naming law school after Scalia is an injustice to female, LGBT students

Oddly, their argument is based on Scalia’s political positions, rather than the fact that the school’s new acronym will be “ASS Law.”

OU president sympathizes with students ‘hurt’ by Trump slogans on Free Speech Wall

How traumatizing that must have been...

Scripps faculty ‘outraged’ after Madeleine Albright selected as commencement speaker

Careful, now, professors, or Maddy might just fund a “right-wing paramilitary group” to hunt you down.

Illegal immigrant students protest Border Patrol at Cal State career fair

They were so overcome with fear after seeing an empty squad car parked on campus that they had no choice but to track the officers down and scream at them.

Tuesday, April 12

Catholic university punishes golf team for Trump’s campaign rhetoric

We can just picture The Donald blubbering in his penthouse about having to collect hefty fees from other golfers now that he can’t donate course time to the Barry University team.

Greek Week events cancelled at OU as punishment for pro-Trump slogans on free speech wall

They also banned fraternities and sororities from serving alcohol at the remaining events, which was the unkindest cut of all.

Clemson students fear backlash against free speech after ‘banana banner’ incident

What could possibly have given them that idea? (*cough* … Mizzou … *cough*)

DePaul bans ALL political chalking after pro-Trump slogans appear

Gee whiz. Even the residents of Oceania had one political opinion they were allowed to express...

Latino Group at Iowa State tells white students to visit doctor for ‘sickness’ of white privilege

Finding one’s favorite foods at the supermarket isn’t a matter of privilege; it’s a matter of perseverance.

Wednesday, April 13

Grinnell College unveils frighteningly vague bias reporting system

Actually, we think this is really just a sneaky way to incapacitate the police department by inundating them with investigations of campus meanies.

Whitman drops ‘missionary’ mascot to avoid offending Native Americans

If the name “Redskins” is offensive to Native Americans, then shouldn’t Whitman’s mascot be offensive to Christians?

Mississippi State students demand removal of ‘offensive’ state flag from campus

The protesters are refusing to release their other demands until all the flags are removed, which sounds to us like a pretty strong argument for keeping them right where they are.

SUNY cancels debate after prof’s object to conservative participant

They do know that it won’t be much of a debate with just one lonely liberal standing on stage arguing with himself, right? At that rate, the students might as well just watch Bill Maher.

Thursday, April 14

USA panics over empty holster, student cited for ‘causing alarm’

If the holster is empty, then where’s the gun, huh? Huh?! WHERE IS IT?!

Fraternity’s ‘Trump Wall’ causes outrage at Tulane

Ironically, painting the phrase “Make America Great Again” on their annual capture-the-flag wall was actually intended to mock Trump. Just to be safe, though, other students tore it down for them.

Thousands sign petition urging Marquette to abandon witch hunt of conservative prof

We wonder how many of them are donors, and we’re betting that Marquette will soon be asking themselves the same question.

OU students demand that police punish those who dared to mock their safe spaces

And in a too-good-to-be-true vignette, the offended students simultaneously whined that saying “there are no safe spaces” is “literally a threat” while vowing to “beat the shit outta whoever wrote that bullshit.”

Friday, April 15

UCLA grad student resolution deems criticism of SJP ‘Islamophobia’

By the same principle, wouldn’t that make pretty much every utterance SJP has ever made an example of “Christianophobia?”

Schools nationwide spiral into mass hysteria over pro-Trump messages

It’s almost as if people are walking around saying “ni” to one another.

USA admits mistake, apologizes to student for empty holster citation

Are they sorry they did it, or just sorry they got caught?

Campus community on the hunt for missing vulva

See what happens when you take your vulva out in public?