The Weekly Roundup: The 'antifas' plot their next move...

Monday 13 February

Duke rallies ‘social justice people’ to protest Trump

Don’t worry, Duke. They already do.

Yale to host ‘Black Panther Party’ for Black History Month

Sorry we ruined your Black Panther Party...

Geraldo Rivera quits Yale over Calhoun College name change

Now we will never know what was in Elihu Yale’s secret vault…

STUDY: Extreme protest tactics likely to backfire

Shh! They don’t seem to have realized that yet!

Clemson faculty sign up for anti-Trump protest group

It must be easy to attract new members when all you’re asking them to do is sit around.

Students sue GMU for release of donations from Koch brothers

What surprises us most is that a real, actual lawyer was willing to sign on to this farce.

Clemson profs no longer hungry, but still mad at Trump

Gee, who could have predicted that a hunger strike with a predesignated end point would fail?

Tuesday 14 February

Parents protest liberal bias of mandatory seminar at New Trier

One would think the district would be more receptive to parental complaints, considering it’s located in the sort of place where parents have school choice even without the government.

UCLA pays profs $1,000 each to teach anti-Trump workshops

HA! They would have done it for free!

UC students explore ‘alternatives to calling the police’

They wouldn’t tell us what those alternatives are supposed to be, though.

Running away? Curling up into a ball? Turning on the waterworks and hoping that it will tug at the assailant’s heartstrings?

Gettysburg students erect ‘Trump Wall’ in school library

Theirs isn’t really working, though. It hasn’t prevented anyone from entering the library.

MassArt helps children make valentines ‘To Islam, With Love’

So, they’re trying to promote inter-faith relations by sending Muslims greeting cards for a Christian holiday?

Are they sure they’re not actually just trying to annoy people?

Pharmacy student says NC travel ban interfering with studies

But Gov. Cuomo ignored her until the last minute.

It was for her own good, of course, because one never knows whether she would have decided to switch genders while she was down there, in which case using public restrooms might possibly have become complicated for her.

Colleges provide counseling, puppies for stressful V-Day

Still seems like rubbing it in...

Wednesday 15 February

Student suspended for recording ‘act of terrorism’ prof

What if he just wanted to make sure that he got the wording right in case it was on the final exam?

UCF socialist club urges young children to ‘kill Donald Trump’

Yeah, that sounds like socialists, all right.

Howard students demand Trump be banned from campus

They don’t want the university to accept any additional federal funding, either, which is the knee-jerk anti-Trump reaction we’ve seen so far.

UC students: free speech shouldn’t apply to ‘Trump surrogates’

But then they wouldn’t really be “surrogates,” would they?

Republican woman barred from Women’s Conference over her ‘values’

Wow, we never realized that one had to subscribe to a certain set of beliefs in order to qualify as a woman.

UMich history profs warn of Trump’s ‘authoritarian politics’

Listen, anyone can juxtapose images of the political enemy du jour against footage of goose-stepping Nazis, but that doesn’t make it “teaching.”

MSU prof apologizes to Latinx students for Trump valentines

Oh, come awn. Those were funny!

CSU employee shames students as ‘local racists’ for supporting border wall

Apparently she wasn’t interested in having a philosophical debate on the issue.

Thursday 16 February

Columbia law journal tracks Trump’s threats to ‘human rights’

...and they’re already having to stretch.

W&M event solicits student stories to end ‘stigma’ of abortion

We can think of an even better way of ending the stigma of abortion...

Clemson students, profs jump on anti-Calhoun bandwagon

What is it again that one is supposed to do in order to avoid being condemned to repeat the past?

College club clubs Trump effigy at recruitment fair

This one really required a sign, though, because we were convinced it was Tin Tin at first.

OCC reminds students of recording ban amidst controversy

Sure, it’s just a coincidence that the signs appeared right after an OCC professor’s rant about Trump’s election being an “act of terrorism” went viral and embarrassed the school.

Friday 17 February

UNC condemns flyer inciting violence against Trump supporters

Finally! We fully understand that a statement will accomplish precisely nothing, but that won’t stop us from relishing the sheer consistency of it.

NAU profs label Trump a ‘neo-fascist,’ ‘rapist in chief’

Kinda makes one wonder what this distinguished mind thought of Bill Clinton.

UNO prof to speak against ‘white supremacist’ Trump ‘regime’

You’re really flailing when you resort to calling a U.S. presidential administration a “regime.”

It’s just so petty.

Chinese students heed Beijing’s call, protest Dalai Lama appearance

Oh, the rhetorical theatrics they did employ in their attempts to argue that a Nobel Peace Prize recipient shouldn’t be entitled to the freedom of speech to which they must pay lip service.

Berkeley reconsiders ‘hands-off’ approach during anti-Milo riot

The lesson? A little negative press is all it takes to get Berkeley to reverse its position.

They should equip that campus with a sail.

TX advances bill to fine, defund ‘sanctuary’ campuses

Hey, Gov. Abbott warned them this would happen two months ago. He’s not exactly known for empty promises.