The Weekly Roundup: Release the Chalkin'!
Monday, March 28
Why the insistence on a confession? Well, it would represent the first and only evidence that the school was at all justified in punishing Dr. McAdams for his speech.
See what people are talking about when it comes to illegal immigrants taking American jobs?
He didn’t even vote against the group! They actually want to impeach him for, well, technically, nothing.
Tuesday, March 29
At least there’s no chance he’ll be replaced by Steve Jobs.
It’s actually a cost-saving measure, to spare the university the expense of providing the counseling that most students would require if a Trump supporter were to set foot on their campus.
Sure, dude. A member of the press recording a public event is proto-totalitarian, but a professor (of communications, for crying out loud) calling for “muscle” to evict that journalist is not.
That sound you hear? Hundreds of grad students tearing up their applications to teach at Stanford.
Oh, come on now. “Flesh”-colored bandaids don’t match anyone’s skin color.
Wednesday, March 30
It could have been worse. At least he wasn’t eating Chinese food or drinking tequila when she saw him.
“Do you know what dreadlocks mean?” Sure, we do: that you haven’t washed your hair in at least several months.
It’s good to see that they’re spending their time addressing the truly serious issues facing mankind.
Attendees were given a trigger warning for omphalophobia, which was appropriate given the amount of academic navel gazing.
Does one test for performance enhancing drugs at these Olympics?
Sure, the move was purely symbolic, but it was still a stronger show of support than most college presidents are willing to express while staring down the mouth of an SJW cannon.
Thursday, March 31
This from the same group that deemed raising funds for a children’s cancer charity a “microaggression.” ‘Nuff said.
Proper whining techniques, you see, will actually serve them invaluably after graduation.
Clearly, they don’t put much stock in the cliché that if one doesn’t have something nice to say, one ought not to say anything at all.
Quickly, Robin! To the Bias-Mobile!
As usual, liberals simply cannot fathom how anybody could disagree with them except out of ignorance or prejudice. Of course, that’s hardly the only thing they can’t fathom.
Ironically, they would have been more disruptive had they just stayed in their seats, but hundreds of conservative students are certainly grateful that their liberal peers don’t have that much sense.
But the advice the school really needs is on how to mollify irate legislators threatening budget cuts in response to such tasteless obscenity.
What, were Bill Clinton’s dalliances unavailable?
They claim Sessions does not embody the university’s values. Apparently, neither does the committee that voted unanimously to invite him to give the Commencement address.
If UNM’s seal is racist for excluding Native Americans, then the Native American artist who designed it must have been suffering from a serious case of self-loathing.
To clarify: if a seal includes a Native American, it’s racist. If it excludes Native Americans, it’s racist.
It’s Schrodinger's seal: somehow racist and not racist at the same time.
So far, they’ve generally proven too incompetent to even figure out their own impeachment procedures, which at least saves them the embarrassment of having to follow through on their flimsy allegations.
Friday, April 1
Alas, they seem to have forgotten their Shakespeare, not to mention their Orwell.
Which would be a good idea if it meant training students to handle the excessive cultural sensitivity they will surely experience throughout their college careers.
The legislators have done it before, and if UT doesn’t start taking them seriously, it won’t have much of a budget left before too long. Then again, perhaps the school’s determination to disgust isn’t such a bad thing, after all.
Fortunately, there’s now an online safe space where they can share their tales of woe and reassure each other that they don’t, personally, know any Trump supporters.
“I live in a rather special world. I only know one person who voted for Trump. Where they are I don’t know.”