The Weekly Roundup: Now with 500% more GIFs!
Monday
Watchdog, taxpayer groups blast proposed ‘fraud’ loan forgiveness rule
It should be easy for SJW students to prove they were “defrauded or deceived” by their university with a mere IQ test.
Embattled dean retires after unrelenting protests
The dean allegedly was suggesting an autobiographical book, whose title consisted solely of the n-word, written by a Civil Rights leader, and wasn’t using the n-word as a slur. But context is a rather pesky thing; it’s so much easier to just brand people “racist.”
CSULA dumps speech policy, but is the replacement any better?
Clearly, Ben Shapiro was a “controversial speaker” who was engaging in “offensive speech,” if you interpret the definitions of those terms precisely the same way we do. Oh, you don’t know how we interpret them? Oh, terms have qualitative, subjective, wondrously malleable definitions? How convenient.
Amherst orientation includes mandatory screening of ‘I’m Not Racist...Am I?’
Freshmen at Amherst get to learn about how whites benefit from institutionalized racism during the mandatory two-hour movie break. We wonder if they plan to acknowledge the privilege of watching a movie in air conditioning while others labor in the hot sun to produce their organic food products.
Tuesday
An interview with Dr. Peter Wood of the National Association of Scholars
Yup, Dr. Peter Wood and the NAS aren’t progressive hacks. Shocked by the sanity of the opinions presented?
All charges against Yale’s stained-glass smasher dropped
The dining hall employee who smashed a priceless work of art got rehired and won’t become a felon for showering broken glass on a pedestrian on the other side of the window. Can’t you see it now? A future in which universities give their employees promotions and bonus pay for destroying campus monuments to the non-politically correct past.
STUDY: college antisemitism increasing in 2016
It sure would be ironic if the progressive left, which sorts identity groups into a victim hierarchy, didn’t really care about slights against Jews. It would be ironic if liberals were apathetic toward the very group that was the most explicitly targeted by one of the most illiberal regimes in history. For that matter, nowadays, liberals also aren’t very...liberal.
Survey asks black women about microaggression stress
If anyone has ever stereotyped you...you’ve been microaggressed.
Wednesday
Clemson adds ‘justice studies’ program for the fall
It’s mentioned that students will “explore police subculture” in their criminal and social justice courses. Presumably, this requires binge-watching The Wire and NYPD Blue.
Stanford marching band sends Trump ‘cease-and-desist’ order
The band apparently wants a “philosophical claim” over the song used by Trump. Sources say that the left will add this claim to its “philosophical claims” over reason, counter-terrorism, and the best interest of oppressed classes. These same sources also report that it may be difficult for ordinary—sane—individuals to recognize these claims because they are, to be blunt, nonexistent.
Thursday
Oregon rebrands bias response team to avoid ‘thought police’ claims
Administrators thought they could trick everyone by renaming the Bias Response Team to the Bias Education and Response Team (BERT). It’s a kinder, gentler progressivism. BERT will be staffed by Endangered Rhetoric Non-Intervention Experts (ERNIE).
Trump Jr. defends Miss. flag as DNC, colleges remove it
Trump wants to Make Mississippi Great Again by flying the state flag because “there’s nothing wrong with some tradition.” Oh, how public colleges and students there disagree. The flag is considered too offensive to even be brought on campus. Carpetbaggers and scalawags abound.
Profs deny that universities indoctrinate conservative students
Our existence is kind of proof that there is an indoctrination problem, you know.
Elon students petition to keep ‘dangerous’ Pulitzer winner from campus
Campus Reform has received word that, in the past 24 hours, the Pulitzer winner’s “dangerous rhetoric” has been spotted jumping off of computer screens and book pages worldwide, proceeding to quite physically colonize and oppress women, minorities, etc.
Columbia hosts ‘food justice’ conference
Cereal is triggered by the tendency of some of hir partakers to eat hir in a space void of diversity and multiculturalism. Namely, hir wants you to put some milk in the bowl, darn it.
MSU ‘women’s only’ lounge goes unisex
Remember, women are either completely helpless before men or entirely independent and unintimidated by them. Which is true at the moment depends on which is more politically useful.
UW-Green Bay offers ‘Green Lives Matter’ course
Annoyingly, there’s no real way to make a pun off this course’s name.
Friday
VIDEO: Bernie supporters in Philly say they’re voting Trump
If the Democrat straight white male fails, vote for the Republican version...sexists.
UWM offers gender pronoun guide
Campus Reform felt much like a child stumbling upon holographic Charizard, Lugia, and Dark Typhlosion Pokemon cards when encountering this comprehensive list of gender pronouns, including the ultra-rare ae, e/ey, ve, and per.
Biden references ‘one-in-five’ stat at DNC
It’s not patent fear-mongering if it stems from compassion, benevolence, and empathy.
Students plan to sabotage Trump’s UCCS visit
They planned to obtain as many of the free tickets as possible and then no-show. When you think about it, it’s not that much different from a DNC-sponsored protest.
Hillary youth coordinator: ‘It hurts when people ‘yuck’ on us’
But no, it’s only Trump who speaks at a fifth-grade level.
Journalist: gourmet dining hall food perpetuates rich-poor gap
So this writer is chastising Bowdoin for having food that’s too good, claiming that they could put more money toward scholarships. Napoleon said that an army marches on its stomach, and a student body takes exams on theirs as well. If Bowdoin says they can afford it, let them eat cake.
UTSA works to limit campus carry
UT-San Antonio has decided that self defense is a non-issue in faculty offices, residence halls, housing units, counseling and health offices, child care facilities, sporting venues, and the food court. There’s no need to protect yourself with a gun on campus, the police are only minutes away!
Harvard law prof: Trump’s Russian hack ‘jokes’ could ‘constitute treason’
Why exactly is the left so doggone awful with cyber-security?
MLK Jr. writing contest discusses discrimination
We’ve come a long way since Shakespeare, baby.
Former college presidents blast alleged college debt ‘myth’
College liberals who felt the Bern this election cycle will likely disagree with the position of these old, white men.They think that higher education is hardly the “disaster area” that journalists and politicians say it is.
