The Weekly Roundup: If the shoe fits...it's white privilege
- The headlines we were tempted to run, and the commentary we couldn’t.
Monday 1 August
Really? We heard exactly the opposite.
That’s probably just due to geography, though.
With the Olympics here, Campus Reform would like to announce a new event in which conservatives compete to get banned from speaking on college campuses. The onus is on the colleges to make this conservative-only event more inclusive. Go ahead; ban Obama!
As for Shapiro, the world’s #1 censored conservative Milo Yiannopoulos has challenged the conservative commentator to get banned from a “cool” campus, like UC Irvine: “It’s sweet that little Benji is following me around the U.S., desperately trying to get banned from the same schools that have banned me. (Setting trends is the cross I bear.)....But he keeps coming up short, the poor thing! I was banned from DePaul WEEKS ago, dahhhling.”
Students will likely be offered extra credit for superimposing guns on the phallic regions of famous Republicans.
Professor: “Cast your eyes upon the top of the slide. That color is called ‘white.’ See the one with the longer hair over there? That is called ‘female.’ ”
Susie: “But professor, isn’t that a heteronormative representation of femininity?”
President: “Susie’s right. You’re fired.”
Little did these professors know, all males on campus already carry their toxic masculinity concealed, which virtually everyone agrees is the best way for them to carry it.
This weapon has yet to be fully legalized, but is sometimes arbitrarily penalized via false rape allegations.
It’s not an oyster. Four prongs or nothin’
Experience babysitting 20-year-olds on dates will automatically escalate your application to a second interview.
Ah yes, the bathroom bill. Unfortunately, toilet humor is not appreciated here.
The course apparently includes more than “don’t rape.”
Which it should...one can never be too careful. With drunken sex, regret, etc. now falling under the category of sexual assault, abstinence seems the only act conducive to safe space culture.
Tuesday 2 August
What with all the exponents and exterior angles suffocating inclusivity in college math, those racial diversity and equity “equations” look ripe for the diversity courses that may be replacing a math requirement at this college.
The buck stops...well, somewhere. But wherever it does stop, you can bet it’s not within a city block of Yale’s president.
Have you criticized someone who has criticized police officers? You might also be a racist.
We’re shocked that “freedom of education” wasn’t already pork barreled into the First Amendment.
You would think former journalism professors would have a better way with words. Well, you would if you ignored Melissa Click and the mainstream media.
The data actually suggests that voter ID laws impact voting along the lines of wealth, not race, but we understand the mix up: skin and metal coins look similar and progressives aren’t particularly discerning.
Wednesday 3 August
Democrats pandering? Lacking substance? *Gasp!* Nooooo….
“I became active in Black Lives Matter two years ago, became an LGBT rights activist, campaigned for Bernie Sanders,” said the student, who plans to become a human rights attorney.
The professors say campus carry poses a risk to the equal protection guaranteed by the Fourteenth Amendment. We think they need to read that amendment again.
Or at all.
Title IX strikes again.
One would think they could instead just pay the $15 for them to get an ID card printed up at the DMV. Unless, of course, when they say “undocumented” they’re actually referring to illegal immigrants...
Thursday 4 August
Considering it’s the generation of blue-haired, body-positive SJWs, we’re sure they’ve constructed this safe space entirely of their own volition.
Along with an escape door, the Chancellor has also taken Trump’s advice and built a $700,000 fence around his residence.
No word yet on whether Mexico paid for any of it.
Of course, if she had instead encouraged students to wear any Halloween costume they want, the school would have responded with much more alacrity.
If decency is now a privilege that must be rectified, how much longer until
stupidity progressivism is, as well?
Apparently, private colleges don’t want to be the runt of the litter when it comes to suckling at the federal teat.
Just for that, Trinity Washington University should never be given another taxpayer dime.
It might not be a bad idea for wildlife, either, if you’ve ever heard about the tragedy of the commons.
Friday 5 August
The hammer is just the beginning, though. Next comes the sickle.
“It was never a report made by the response team,” said an administrator. “It was just a mention about something that happened at a residence staff meeting, not a report.”
Since they didn’t actually submit a bias report, it’s not censorship, just like the Vietnam War never actually happened since no war was ever declared!
They were just mortified that anyone would have thought that their opinion page was there for expressing just any opinion.
Unwilling to either forsake tyranny or face their constituents, most of the senators simply fled the meeting before a vote could be called.
This criticism is concerning...did it really take MIT professors to point out the flaws?
It only took 70 years for the alumni to finally heed the wisdom of Buckley.
What? You expected it to die in committee?
In California, religious freedom is considered almost as great an evil as plastic shopping bags.
These people are almost as bad as the Stanford students who demanded a survey that produced higher campus rape statistics.
Listen, if the results are positive, you can just accept that as a good thing and move on.
How is it NOT racist to invite “students of color” to a special pre-orientation meeting where you can tell them about all the special resources you have just for them, because otherwise they would never have a chance of succeeding in college?
Condescension is the unkindest form of flattery.