The Weekly Roundup: A bad lie and a hard truth

  • The headlines we were tempted to run, and the commentary we couldn't

Monday 5 September

Dems receive 94% of Ivy League donations so far this election cycle

"It’s true: jokes are much less funny without the punchline."   

Phew! It might have been a bit embarrassing for the GOP to explain what its candidates had done to deserve the support of Ivy League professors.

Tuesday 6 September

UMass RA’s make veiled threats to punish ‘crude’ Harambe references

The fascists don’t even care who wrote them, and advise students to be vigilant about what others write on their whiteboards.

Too bad for them that the NKVD isn’t accepting applications anymore.

UK rejects political correctness, restores historic mural

Perhaps they can come up with an alternative reason to cover it up.

It is a rather ugly mural, after all, and the fact that it was funded by the New Deal makes it even more objectionable.

Cornell dean candidate vilified for pledging to help ‘all students’

What else would you expect from someone whose job title is Vice President for Diversity and Inclusion?

‘How to Be a White Ally’ posters say all white people are racist

Probably because they make broad generalizations about other races, huh?

Clemson students rally against ‘free speech zones’

The Dean of Students assures us the purpose is merely to “manage” things so that they don’t “get out of control.”

Glad we got that one cleared up, comrade.

USF student gov promotes Hillary event after issuing warning before Trump appearance

At least they’re not abusing their offices for political purposes.

DePaul launches free speech lecture series after banning conservative speakers

Well, DePaul certainly could use a refresher on the concept of free speech, but we think they could expand the roster of lecturers even further.

Might we suggest Ben Shapiro and Milo Yiannopoulos?

Wednesday 7 September

Vanderbilt settles health insurance suit from Christian student

Vandy’s lawyers probably just didn’t want to have to make the argument that his health would be jeopardized if he weren’t covered for gender reassignment surgery.

Odds are the school wasn’t happy that his private policy didn’t cover abortions, either.

UCLA grad student prez hounded into resignation, transfer by SJP

Boy, those SJP folks just hate it when people follow the rules...

OU grad students demand renaming of Roger E. Ailes Newsroom

Don’t worry; they have absolutely no discretion over the matter, and the university is probably not going to fall all over itself to return Ailes’ generous donation.

On the plus side, it’s always nice when a legislative body spends its time on meaningless posturing rather than finding new ways to impose upon its constituents.

Tampons coming to men’s rooms at Brown University

And not a moment too soon, either, from what we’ve seen of the male student population at Brown.

Thursday 8 September

University of Iowa creates social justice bachelor’s degree

Yikes. Imagine how much trouble those students are going to have paying back their student loans.

Besides, doesn’t it seem a bit redundant to offer a degree in social justice? It’s already a college, after all.

‘Welcome White Week’ fliers spark controversy at NKU

Of course, that was pretty much the point. Nobody said boo about “Welcome Black Week.”

UNC scraps bias team, but current members will still do same job in another department

Are we to believe that their Orwellian behavior was merely the product of a name?

As Shakespeare would almost certainly write: “A bias response team, by any other name, would smell as foul.”

Survey: Majority of profs use trigger warnings

Yet only 3.8 percent said students had requested them. So, as we’ve been saying all along, this inanity is comin straight from the top.

CSUSM warns students about ‘disturbing and offensive’ pro-life display

One could practically hear them grinding their teeth as they grumpily acknowledge their obligation to allow the exhibit, thanks to that pesky First Amendment.

Berkeley protesters assault CR’s, destroy Trump cutout

Ironically, the liberal students actually accused the College Republicans of being “pieces of shit” while ripping up the standee and snatching phones from people’s hands.

Friday 9 September

Prof uses all-student email list to recruit for Hillary, then absurdly claims his email was hacked

It’s a simple matter of respect: If you’re going to lie to someone, at least have the decency to do it well.

Besides, all he had to say was, “Oops! Sorry! I accidentally clicked ‘select all’,” and this whole thing would have just gone away.

Gender studies prof rips down 9/11 memorial posters

Mind you, she blames the attacks on “U.S. Imperialism,” which makes her an odd choice to chair the History Department.

KSU prof compares bias reporting to Gestapo; state rep hints at funding cuts for diversity office

While filling out their application for world domination, the SJWs remembered the connotatively good names like “diversity” and “inclusivity” but seemed to have forgotten to edit the Orwellian nature of the actual concepts.

UW prof: Common Core is ‘social justice pedagogy,’ not education

So, it’s both ineffective and redundant?

‘Poster boy for white hatred’ sues Michigan Tech for scapegoating him

It’s true: jokes are much less funny without the punchline.

Sunday 11 September

9/11 memorial TRASHED at Occidental College

What a poignant sequence of events: cowardly vandals tear down something that had been built up peacefully, so the victims simply rebuild it.



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