The Weekly Roundup: What’s the matter with Kansas?
- The headlines we were tempted to run and the commentary we couldn't.
Monday 26 September
They were told to stay behind their table, but aren’t most tables symmetrical?
“Look, we know you didn’t even consider the slight possibility that someone could connect the gorilla to masculinity or a stereotype but don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.”
You know, because culture grows out of one’s skin, not nations or anything.
Would someone stop those evil dead gorillas rising from the grave and raping people?
...apparently clueless to the otherizing and exoticizing effect the donning of these cords by some students has on students who do not possess them.
But this is par for the course, by now. We would’ve expected California to be leading progressive inclusivity with something like voluntary racial segregation.
Talk about superfluousness!
Nothing like some imaginative ad hominem attacks to back up what we’re sure is a salient argument.
Tuesday 27 September
Of course not. How could it be a “safe space” if participants had to endure the “violence” inherent in being presented with a contradictory opinion?
In a sense, they’re actually right, since it seems unlikely that the Romans would have crucified Jesus if they didn’t “hate” Him.
Of course, that’s not what they were talking about at all...
Sources say the thoughts literally resemble the Pokémon Voltorb in their ability to quite physically explode and cause damage to the surrounding area.
Time to put on your doublethinking hats!
That student senator is tarnishing the Sterling brand. Our editor-in-chief will be displeased.
They acknowledge that Kendall is a public institution, but somehow fail to see how that might make the school’s campus public property.
That was fast...
Wednesday 28 September
See? No horns anywhere!
Another tolerant liberal voicing his opinion.
Gee, how in the world did he ever end up becoming a “former” administrator?
And who’s going to pay for it? The Trump supporters!
Thursday 29 September
That whole “freedom of speech” thing is really overrated, anyway.
If body positive feminists don’t have “outdoor” “privilege,” does that mean they won’t be able to go vote for Hillary in November?
“Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech….unless it makes someone uncomfortable.”
That’s how it goes, right?
guys dudes people of indeterminate, varying, but all beautiful genders.
Are there any gulag internships for which we can register these bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Marxist aspirants?
Did Your Majesty do Your Majesty’s homework?
Friday 30 September
Well, not entirely. They did hear the supposed “victims” taunt white students as “crackers” and threaten to burn down a fraternity house.
Surely costume-shaming is just as heinous a crime as fat-shaming and slut-shaming, amirite SJWs?
Just wait’ll the Freedom From Religion Foundation gets word of that!
They do seem to understand what “team” means, at least. In any event, they don’t spell it with an “i.”
And that’s not the only thing they’re confused about...