The Weekly Roundup: It's been a 'demanding' week
- The headlines we were tempted to run, and the commentary we couldn’t
Monday 17 October
And then UMTV producer retracts statement with hilarious email demonstrating extremely tenuous grasp on both usage and meaning of language.
Yeah, and we want ice cream that doesn’t melt or confer brain freezes, but we can’t always get what we want.
Hoo boy. If it’s “oppression” to tell people that killing is a sin, Moses could be in for a major reputational overhaul.
Whose culture? The gorillas’?
Look, paper cuts are painful, but we suspect it would take more than a thousand of them to induce death.
Much the same could be said of microaggressions, come to think of it.
We thinx the Latinx are really pinx, demanding everything but the kitchen sinx and sending the bill to us while we drown our sorrows in drinx.
Tuesday 18 October
One wonders whether students will treat it any more seriously than the terrorism threat meter.
Administrators were, of course, horrified that students might be unable to report crucifix sightings or pro-Trump chalk messages.
We know you see “privilege” nowadays and think it's SJW hocus pocus, but this one’s for real.
No, it wasn't an endorsement of some good old bacon, lettuce, and mayo—think of something a bit more sour and bitter.
Wednesday 19 October
How many days until that, too, falls under the ever-expanding definition of “harassment?”
It's to promote “inclusive excellence.” If you spotted the contradiction in that term, you're probably a racist.
Now they’re just getting lazy...
What’s the point of saving the environment if it doesn’t advance some Marxist agenda?
Watermelons, indeed: green on the outside, but all red on the inside.
Thursday 20 October
That’s curious, considering that the Catholic Church’s position on abortion is, essentially, that “unborn lives matter.”
Is there anything in the dogma about avoiding even the slightest hint of controversy?
You'll never believe it, but it's a college in California. It might be a bit harder to force feed your students propaganda with so little water to wash it down.
Seriously. Could you even imagine encountering someone dressed as Lady Gaga? Horrifying.
A mere 100 million? Why not... one hundred billion dollars?
Okay—we hear the safe spaces have plenty of coloring books on which they could draw one.
That's fine, as long as the segregation is designed to promote inclusiveness.
Friday 21 October
And if there’s not enough room, they can always just clear out some of the excess Asians, right?
So...not Trump, then?
They do realize, we hope, that without the shock value of that name, it’s just another play that nobody wants to see...
...which are somehow distinct from “trigger warnings,” which they have a specific editorial policy prohibiting the use of.
However, these plans “CANNOT BE MADE PUBLIC,” so please don’t tell anybody.