The Weekly Roundup: Impotency begets rage
- The headlines we were tempted to run, and the commentary we couldn’t.
Monday 27 March
Demonstrating in support of it, one presumes, would not have required advance notice.
Why the need for such restrictions? We’ve heard that only white people can be racist, anyway.
“I can’t believe they’re not English!”
Well, on stage at least. We suspect they’re still fairly well represented among the parents and alumni.
We suspect that perspective might be analogous to that of the man who kicks a live hornet’s nest while standing stark naked in an open pasture.
Tuesday 28 March
Maybe it was slowed down by its emotional baggage.
“Money, so they say, is the root of all evil today.”
Only liberals would think that throwing cookies on the ground would count as a brilliant philosophical argument.
By which they mean a credit union, which is like a bank, but it takes you out to dinner first.
Try to imagine, if you will, just how many hundreds of thousands of people are now aware that one girl in Arizona lost one point on an English paper.
Wednesday 29 March
At least he did it without calling for the extermination of anyone this time...
Y’know, they tried that whole burning campus thing at Kent State once...
Well, technically it was for trying to avoid expressing those views in a way that might offend others, which we thought was what the liberals wanted.
Oof! Talk about hitting ‘em where it hurts!
Thursday 30 March
There are a whole lot of sacred cows being lined up for slaughter these days. Surely, there’s room for one more.
Ah, but who would they actually be able to ban?
Which, of course, only makes it that much funnier.
He needed to stay in shape in case his students ever chased him through the escape hatch in his office.
Then again, maybe he just missed running in place whenever he wasn’t at the office.
Frankly, we suspect it would have little impact on the overall cleanliness and decorum within the residence halls.
Well, one does suppose that even fake news can be analytical...
Friday 31 March
They’re in the business of language, not math, and fours are confusing anyway, what with that “1” stuck right there in the midst of the character.
Is a “microaggressions expert” someone who excels at committing microaggressions, or receiving them?
Gee, why would Angela Davis have a problem with prisons? Some of her best friends live in them!
In other words, they’re upset that a group created to address the dearth of conservative speakers on campus has too few liberals on it.
Fortunately, Georgetown stocked up on smelling salts before Her Royal Clintonness arrived.
Real mature, Regis...
Let’s just see who gets reprimanded by their employer...