The Weekly Roundup: Trigglypuff used Tantrum! It's not very effective...

Monday, April 25

Black women protest invitation of other minority women to dinner party

They kept referring to “womyn,” which to us seems dangerously homonymous with the word they’re attempting to excise. Just to be safe, they should consider switching to “wopersons.”

Social justice warrior complains that progressive student groups are hostile to free speech

Sure, but as a general rule, they kind of have to be, don’t they? Just imagine how their membership would dwindle if their supporters were to hear the other side of the argument.

UT diversity office loses funding for one year after ticking off state legislators

Opponents have dubbed the bill an assault on free speech, which is strange, because we thought liberals were pretty adamant that money doesn’t equal speech.

UW-Madison students (re)face Lincoln statue with diversity ultimatum

At least ol’ Abe didn’t have to look at them anymore after that.

Tuesday, April 26

Clemson prof. tells protesters they have nothing in common with MLK’s legacy

The protesters assure us that he was just blinded by his white privilege, causing him to overlook the myriad revenge fantasies peppered throughout MLK’s speeches.

Disgraced ex-Mizzou prof: I was fired because I’m white

No, you weren’t. You were fired because you were more of an embarrassment to the school than the protesters you were defending. That, plus the whole law-breaking thing.

Scripps ‘Unofficial Survival Guide’ tells minority students that ‘hatred of white people’ is justified

In all fairness, hating white people might actually be a good strategy for succeeding in college nowadays.

UW students demand that sports fans pay for new diversity initiatives

Administrators thought it was a great idea, but then, they didn’t hear anything after “raise ticket prices for athletic events,” so mesmerized were they by the dancing dollar signs in their heads.

Alt: Wait, we thought the sports teams were diversity initiatives.

A wild Trigglypuff spotted at UMass Amherst free speech event!

The Mega Evolution of the Jigglypuff line, the rare and elusive Trigglypuff is identifiable by its wild arm-flailing and inability to comprehend basic constitutional rights. Trigglypuff’s vocal chords can freely adjust the wavelength of its voice, which allows this Pokémon uses this ability to yell at precisely the right wavelength to make its foes annoyed with the concept of social justice.

Despite enticing the creature with rare candies, event organizers were unable to successfully capture it, having no master balls in their inventory.

Wednesday, April 27

FIU prof. scoffs at idea that police arrest people for tax evasion

Even if one accepts the argument that Al Capone is irrelevant because the professor “wasn’t alive at the time,” how does he explain away Wesley Snipes?

Left-leaning think tank claims free college would be regressive

Phew! Dodged a bullet, there. The left won’t dare push the idea if there’s a chance that the evil millionayuhs and billionayuhs will benefit from it.

Thursday, April 28

Drake student gov. rejects ‘harmful’ conservative club for mentioning social issues

Or was it because their mission was too broad? Or because it overlapped with other clubs’ missions? Or because the group’s founder is pro-life? It didn’t really matter, just as long as everybody could find at least one reason to reject TPUSA’s application.

Mandatory social justice course contrasts Rodney King with anti-police music

And the professor just can’t understand why anybody would object to playing the song “Fuck the Police” right after screening a video of the Rodney King beating.

It’s one thing to implicitly condone hostility toward law enforcement, but how could this woman in good conscience subject her entire class to the “music” of Rage Against the Machine?

Yale manages to alienate everyone with naming compromise

“Calhoun” stays, you see, because it’s important for everyone to understand the historical context. “Master” has to go, though, because some people might misunderstand the historical context.

One European history course is one too many for Boston College students

In case you need the translation: “Too Eurocentric” means “having any reference to Europe whatsoever.”

But if they don’t learn about the Europeans, against whom will the students direct their hatred?

Conservative beliefs prove major liability for prospective TPUSA chapters

Somehow, discussing social issues, being “condescending,” or having a political bias never seem to be disqualifying factors for liberal student groups…

When did Lois Lerner start offering free trainings for university administrators?

Friday, April 29

Over 100 colleges to host separate ‘Lavender Graduations’ for LGBT students

So much for “inclusivity,” huh?

USC cancels all-star game-designer panel over lack of women

Well, the game-design students may have missed a chance to meet and learn from their professional idols, but you can bet they learned a valuable lesson about making sure the characters in their games are adequately diverse.

One prof. claims that cancelling an educational event for social justice reasons puts USC “on the right side of history.” We would argue that it seems more like the left side of history.