The Weekly Roundup: Impotency begets rage

Monday 27 March

Regis stops students from 'protesting' Social Justice Week

Demonstrating in support of it, one presumes, would not have required advance notice.

Loyola-Chicago offers whites-only anti-racism group

Why the need for such restrictions? We’ve heard that only white people can be racist, anyway.

Harvard to mandate English course on 'marginalized' authors

“I can’t believe they’re not English!”

Conservatives notably absent at Ivy League commencements

Well, on stage at least. We suspect they’re still fairly well represented among the parents and alumni.

ISU prof assigns essay on 9/11 from Al-Qaeda's perspective

We suspect that perspective might be analogous to that of the man who kicks a live hornet’s nest while standing stark naked in an open pasture.

Tuesday 28 March

'Genderbread Person' caught at Penn State

Maybe it was slowed down by its emotional baggage.

UC-Irvine students: Wells Fargo branch on campus is 'unacceptable'

“Money, so they say, is the root of all evil today.”

Leftist Illini 'harass white men' at College Republican event

Only liberals would think that throwing cookies on the ground would count as a brilliant philosophical argument.

Students ditch Wells Fargo for bank that supports their 'ideology'

By which they mean a credit union, which is like a bank, but it takes you out to dinner first.

Student has grade docked for using 'mankind' in English paper

Try to imagine, if you will, just how many hundreds of thousands of people are now aware that one girl in Arizona lost one point on an English paper.

Wednesday 29 March

'White genocide' prof looks to prevent Charles Murray speech

At least he did it without calling for the extermination of anyone this time...

Lahren invite triggers threats to 'wreak havoc,' 'burn' ECU

Y’know, they tried that whole burning campus thing at Kent State once...

MSU accused of suspending student for anti-transgender views

Well, technically it was for trying to avoid expressing those views in a way that might offend others, which we thought was what the liberals wanted.

UMich student calls out 'privilege' of fellow 'smug liberals'

Oof! Talk about hitting ‘em where it hurts!

Thursday 30 March

REPORT: Taxpayers losing BILLIONS to Ivy League tax breaks

There are a whole lot of sacred cows being lined up for slaughter these days. Surely, there’s room for one more.

VIDEO: Students sign petition to ban Trump-supporting profs

Ah, but who would they actually be able to ban?

NIU students 'appalled' by anti-Trump 'tiny hands' cartoon

Which, of course, only makes it that much funnier.

Report: Berkeley Chancellor took $3,500 fitness machine home

He needed to stay in shape in case his students ever chased him through the escape hatch in his office.

Then again, maybe he just missed running in place whenever he wasn’t at the office.

UMD students consider sharing dorms with refugees

Frankly, we suspect it would have little impact on the overall cleanliness and decorum within the residence halls.

College pushes 'fake news' chart calling liberal sites 'analytical'

Well, one does suppose that even fake news can be analytical...

Friday 31 March

'First Amendment' group sues for release of border search data

They’re in the business of language, not math, and fours are confusing anyway, what with that “1” stuck right there in the midst of the character.

Feminist academics host 'expert' in microaggressions panel

Is a “microaggressions expert” someone who excels at committing microaggressions, or receiving them?

Angela Davis attacks Israel, prisons in speech at GW

Gee, why would Angela Davis have a problem with prisons? Some of her best friends live in them!

'Inclusive Dialogue' group not inclusive enough, students say

In other words, they’re upset that a group created to address the dearth of conservative speakers on campus has too few liberals on it.

Liberal students still enthralled by Hillary despite defeat

Fortunately, Georgetown stocked up on smelling salts before Her Royal Clintonness arrived.

Conservative student blocked by own school’s Twitter account

Real mature, Regis...

Prof tries to get conservatives fired over FB argument

Let’s just see who gets reprimanded by their employer...