The Weekly Roundup: It's been a 'demanding' week

Monday 17 October

Miami TV retracts promo video mocking Trump supporter

And then UMTV producer retracts statement with hilarious email demonstrating extremely tenuous grasp on both usage and meaning of language.

WSU student senator wants CRs suspended over 'Trump Wall'

Yeah, and we want ice cream that doesn’t melt or confer brain freezes, but we can’t always get what we want.

Marquette feminists condemn Church's 'oppressive' pro-life stance

Hoo boy. If it’s “oppression” to tell people that killing is a sin, Moses could be in for a major reputational overhaul.

FSU display: Harambe costumes are cultural appropriation

Whose culture? The gorillas’?

NC State admin calls microaggressions 'death by a thousand paper cuts'

Look, paper cuts are painful, but we suspect it would take more than a thousand of them to induce death.

Much the same could be said of microaggressions, come to think of it.

'Latinx' students demand larger safe space at UNC

We thinx the Latinx are really pinx, demanding everything but the kitchen sinx and sending the bill to us while we drown our sorrows in drinx.

Tuesday 18 October

UMass creates cultural appropriation 'threat meter' for Halloween

One wonders whether students will treat it any more seriously than the terrorism threat meter.

Pranksters clog UF hotline to protest costume guidelines

Administrators were, of course, horrified that students might be unable to report crucifix sightings or pro-Trump chalk messages.

#LiberalPrivilege goes viral

We know you see “privilege” nowadays and think it's SJW hocus pocus, but this one’s for real.

BLM flag flutters over quad at ISU

No, it wasn't an endorsement of some good old bacon, lettuce, and mayo—think of something a bit more sour and bitter.

Wednesday 19 October

Student sues ISU over anti-speech harassment training

How many days until that, too, falls under the ever-expanding definition of “harassment?”

UC Irvine sponsoring BLM writing contest

It's to promote “inclusive excellence.” If you spotted the contradiction in that term, you're probably a racist.

DU ultimatum demands elimination of conservative student groups

Now they’re just getting lazy...

Radical hugger attacks free-market environmental group at Temple

What’s the point of saving the environment if it doesn’t advance some Marxist agenda?

Watermelons, indeed: green on the outside, but all red on the inside.

Thursday 20 October

'Unborn Lives Matter' flyer censored by DePaul

That’s curious, considering that the Catholic Church’s position on abortion is, essentially, that “unborn lives matter.”

Is there anything in the dogma about avoiding even the slightest hint of controversy?

College hosts, pays for three-day ‘social justice summit’

You'll never believe it, but it's a college in California. It might be a bit harder to force feed your students propaganda with so little water to wash it down.

Sorority warns against 'insensitive' pop culture costumes

Seriously. Could you even imagine encountering someone dressed as Lady Gaga? Horrifying.

TCU students demand $100M for minorities, ban on 'hateful speech'

A mere 100 million? Why not... one hundred billion dollars?

Social justice artists demand 'a Muslim refugee for president'

Okay—we hear the safe spaces have plenty of coloring books on which they could draw one.

Emory looking to establish regular POC-only social events

That's fine, as long as the segregation is designed to promote inclusiveness.

Friday 21 October

UCI student gov demands scholarships for Syrian refugees

And if there’s not enough room, they can always just clear out some of the excess Asians, right?

Academics demand president who embraces diversity, globalism

So...not Trump, then?

AU revamps Vagina Monologues to avoid implying that all women have vaginas

They do realize, we hope, that without the shock value of that name, it’s just another play that nobody wants to see...

Student paper self-censors articles with ‘content warnings’

...which are somehow distinct from “trigger warnings,” which they have a specific editorial policy prohibiting the use of.

Students plan rude welcome for ‘white,’ ‘cisgender’ Stanford prez

However, these plans “CANNOT BE MADE PUBLIC,” so please don’t tell anybody.