The Weekly Roundup: Newspeak sure is confusing...

Monday 6 March

Students declare Howard ‘Trump plantation’ after DeVos meeting

What’s the problem? She didn’t set foot on campus, or anything.

Barnard architecture students: ‘We won’t build your wall’

Perhaps if they didn’t preemptively turn down job offers, those student loan payments wouldn’t be such a burden after graduation.

Pink-haired protester disrupts speech by ‘racist’ IU prez

If inaction is “an act of violence,” our definitions of “act” and “violence” must be way off.

VIDEO: Sen. Graham stymies protesters during town hall at Clemson

They were trying to use Tea Party tactics to disrupt the event, but discovered that the strategy only works on those who lack courage in their convictions.

Santa Clara overturns student gov rejection of TPUSA chapter

The Vice Provost stated that all students are “entitled to express openly their views and opinions.” This was news to the student government representatives, who had been laboring under the impression that they alone enjoyed that privilege.

Angry mob assaults liberal prof for defending Charles Murray

Lest we forget that the progressives are out there every day, manning the front lines in the war against thoughtcrime.

Anti-Trump group dissolves rather than mandate non-violence

That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?

Petition demands CSUF fire lecturer who assaulted conservatives

After all, he clearly doesn’t care much for his students...

Tuesday 7 March

University journalism assignments disparage conservatives

Calling the hypothetical presidential candidate “Ronald Plump” did less than you might think to disguise the reference.

These examples do a better job of showing what liberals think conservatives believe than demonstrating actual conservative thought.

UCF prof: ‘Right wing doesn’t want people to be educated’

Well, we certainly don’t want them to be “educated” by liberal propagandists like him!

Students required to attend anti-Trump ‘solidarity rally’

Thinking critical thoughts about someone is not the same as critical thinking.

Can solidarity actually be mandated, anyway? And why does it never have anything to do with Lech Wa??sa?

SDSU pays rapper $60K to sing ‘F*** Donald Trump’ at diversity rally

Which is only $59,999 more than it would have cost to download the song from iTunes.

Whites-only group explores its ‘racist superiority’ at MIT

We know what they really mean, but “racist superiority” sure does make it sound as though they’re boasting about the superiority of their racism.

Now that we think about it, though, that might actually be what they really mean.

‘Moral outrage’ can fuel political violence, researchers warn

Making it all the more urgent for the FDA to get around to approving the “chill pill.”

UMich sued for stonewalling on FOIA of Trump-related emails

Amazingly, the documents apparated just one day after the suit was filed.

UT instructors meet students in bars to avoid campus carry

Yeah, sure. That’s the reason they want to meet in bars.

Pitzer College RA tells ‘white girls’ not to wear hoop earrings

Where does one even begin to deconstruct this argument? It’s almost as though she was seeking to overwhelm any potential detractors with fallacies and hypocrisies

Wednesday 8 March

Student senator prevails over Orwellian admins’ attempt to nullify election

Picking on someone their own size was perhaps inadvisable.

Cornell students say security fees used to silence conservatives

The complaint was made by an ostensibly non-partisan group that just hosted its first-ever conservative speaker, and then corroborated by the College Democrats, so at least we can take comfort that Cornell students retain some common sense in stubborn defiance of the best efforts of their administration.

Amherst Women’s Center closes on Women’s Day

There is a certain logic to it. What need is there for a Women’s Center on the Day Without a Woman?

AAUP not mollified by new immigration EO, says it is ‘still a ban’

The good people at the AAUP might be surprised to learn that the revisions to the executive order were not, in fact, intended solely to assuage the conjectural concerns of the professoriate.

Barnard College blindly agrees to divest from ‘climate deniers’

Basically, the Board just wrote a blank check to the guy tasked with defining “climate denier,” who just so happens to be the same guy who came up with the idea as a “compromise” solution after the Board rejected full divestment from fossil fuels.

Satanist advertise ‘lamb sacrifice,’ ‘Bible torching’ at Clemson

Whether this was a hoax is a matter of perspective.

It’s clear that nobody ever seriously intended for this event to take place, but the only conceivable purpose for the flyer is to elicit outrage, for which the event itself is quite unnecessary.

College urges students to ‘boycott local misogynists’

They didn’t specify which ones, though, leaving it up to the student activists to decide for themselves which businesses to deprive of their patronage.

We suspect that those particular students have already been doing that for years, much to the chagrin of their dining companions.

Thursday 9 March

Gender-swap experiment shows Hillary even less likable as a man

One viewer of the performance described the male Hillary as “very punchable,” which is presumably what many voters thought of the real Hillary after she declared them a “basket of deplorables.”

Students, faculty sign petition to lower female tuition because of ‘gender gap’

And yes, they did actually read it first.

UNM faculty say ‘Trumpism’ is about ‘racialized hate’

No more so than anti-Trumpism...

UC proposes ‘free speech deans’ to police disruptive conduct

Great, now if only these bouncers for free speech were at Middlebury and UC Berkeley...

Mississippi advances bill to ban ‘sanctuary’ campuses

Well, that’s one way to get a favorable Tweet from @POTUS.

Profs lash out at Santa Clara for approving TPUSA chapter

How dare they overturn a democratic decision by some students to deny basic rights to other students?

Friday 10 March

Harvard pushes list calling conservative sites ‘fake news’

On the plus side, pretty soon nobody is going to believe anything they read, which is just about right.

We don’t know whether to feel complimented or offended that we aren’t on this list.

UCF spending millions on ‘lazy river,’ mini golf for athletes

Don’t worry; it will all be privately funded, assuming the private funding materializes.

Apparently, living a half-hour from Disney World wasn’t good enough.

Audit: Mizzou paid ‘excessive’ salary to former chancellor

Yeah, well, his salary seemed a bit excessive even before he resigned.

UCLA still trying to get rid of popular conservative prof

That’s right, we said it. This isn’t just about a free speech course; it’s an elaborate ploy to justify terminating a tenured professor. Just wait and see.

Saturday 11 March

Miss. lawmakers consider bribing universities to fly state flag

Rumors of this bill’s death have been greatly exaggerated.

Cal State ‘Activism Labs’ teach students new protest tactics

Thank goodness. Those protest tactics they had been using are sooo last year.