The Weekly Roundup: Release the Chalkin'!

Monday, March 28

Marquette suspends conservative prof for blogging, threatens dismissal if he doesn’t admit ‘guilt’

Why the insistence on a confession? Well, it would represent the first and only evidence that the school was at all justified in punishing Dr. McAdams for his speech.

UVA students seek to impeach senator for abstaining from vote on illegal immigrant student group

See what people are talking about when it comes to illegal immigrants taking American jobs?

He didn’t even vote against the group! They actually want to impeach him for, well, technically, nothing.

Tuesday, March 29

Endorsement of Trump inspires petition to disinvite Sessions from UAH Commencement

At least there’s no chance he’ll be replaced by Steve Jobs.

It’s actually a cost-saving measure, to spare the university the expense of providing the counseling that most students would require if a Trump supporter were to set foot on their campus.

Mizzou prof: Click was fired because of ‘proto-totalitarian’ ubiquity of recording devices

Sure, dude. A member of the press recording a public event is proto-totalitarian, but a professor (of communications, for crying out loud) calling for “muscle” to evict that journalist is not.

Stanford activists want faculty microaggressions punished as ‘hate speech’

That sound you hear? Hundreds of grad students tearing up their applications to teach at Stanford.

UNC diversity workshop teaches that beige bandaids are white privilege

Oh, come on now. “Flesh”-colored bandaids don’t match anyone’s skin color.

Wednesday, March 30

Black SFSU student attacks white peer for wearing dreadlocks

It could have been worse. At least he wasn’t eating Chinese food or drinking tequila when she saw him.

“Do you know what dreadlocks mean?” Sure, we do: that you haven’t washed your hair in at least several months.

UVA panel picks and chooses which groups deserve trigger warnings

It’s good to see that they’re spending their time addressing the truly serious issues facing mankind.

Attendees were given a trigger warning for omphalophobia, which was appropriate given the amount of academic navel gazing.

Pride Week at UC Merced to climax with ‘lube Olympics’

Does one test for performance enhancing drugs at these Olympics?

Prez to students triggered by Trump chalkings: ‘EMORY STANDS WITH FREE EXPRESSION’

Sure, the move was purely symbolic, but it was still a stronger show of support than most college presidents are willing to express while staring down the mouth of an SJW cannon.

Thursday, March 31

Students denounce KU admin for failing to denounce ‘Trump propaganda’

This from the same group that deemed raising funds for a children’s cancer charity a “microaggression.” ‘Nuff said.

Williams College administrator defends coddling of college students

Proper whining techniques, you see, will actually serve them invaluably after graduation.

Carleton College profs. call bias incident reporting ‘a grave mistake’

Clearly, they don’t put much stock in the cliché that if one doesn’t have something nice to say, one ought not to say anything at all.

Quickly, Robin! To the Bias-Mobile!

Georgia Southern to host inclusivity conference for ‘those who just don’t quite get it’

As usual, liberals simply cannot fathom how anybody could disagree with them except out of ignorance or prejudice. Of course, that’s hardly the only thing they can’t fathom.

Walkout BACKFIRES on leftist students at Ben Shapiro lecture as conservatives fill vacant seats

Ironically, they would have been more disruptive had they just stayed in their seats, but hundreds of conservative students are certainly grateful that their liberal peers don’t have that much sense.

UT Sex Week to feature lectures from porn star on anal, oral sex

But the advice the school really needs is on how to mollify irate legislators threatening budget cuts in response to such tasteless obscenity.

What, were Bill Clinton’s dalliances unavailable?

UAH faculty join effort to silence Sessions over political positions

They claim Sessions does not embody the university’s values. Apparently, neither does the committee that voted unanimously to invite him to give the Commencement address.

Students protest Native American-made seal for not being Native American enough

If UNM’s seal is racist for excluding Native Americans, then the Native American artist who designed it must have been suffering from a serious case of self-loathing.

To clarify: if a seal includes a Native American, it’s racist. If it excludes Native Americans, it’s racist.

It’s Schrodinger's seal: somehow racist and not racist at the same time.

Impeachment threats: the trendy new way to silence conservatives on campus

So far, they’ve generally proven too incompetent to even figure out their own impeachment procedures, which at least saves them the embarrassment of having to follow through on their flimsy allegations.

Friday, April 1

Library of Congress nixes the term ‘illegal immigrant’ in response to Dartmouth petition

Alas, they seem to have forgotten their Shakespeare, not to mention their Orwell.

Cal Poly looks to mandate ‘cultural sensitivity training’ for all students

Which would be a good idea if it meant training students to handle the excessive cultural sensitivity they will surely experience throughout their college careers.

Tenn. lawmakers threaten to defund UT’s ‘horrifically disturbing’ Sex Week

The legislators have done it before, and if UT doesn’t start taking them seriously, it won’t have much of a budget left before too long. Then again, perhaps the school’s determination to disgust isn’t such a bad thing, after all.

Hysteria over Trump chalking spreads to University of Michigan

Fortunately, there’s now an online safe space where they can share their tales of woe and reassure each other that they don’t, personally, know any Trump supporters.

“I live in a rather special world. I only know one person who voted for Trump. Where they are I don’t know.”