EXCLUSIVE: UT prof mocks NRA, Christianity with satirical prayers
- A University of Texas, Austin professor contributed a mock version of the Lord’s Prayer during Wednesday’s campus carry protest, calling the NRA “heartless” and saying “Jesus is not conservative enough for Texas.”
- Religion Prof. Steven Friesen also presented a "revised Texas version" of the beatitudes and other Biblical passages, re-wording them as facetious paeans to gun ownership.
A University of Texas, Austin professor contributed a mock version of the Lord’s Prayer during Wednesday’s campus carry protest, calling the NRA “heartless” and saying “Jesus is not conservative enough for Texas.”
During a faculty-sponsored rally immediately following Wednesday’s “Cocks not Glocks” protest, which attracted thousands of dildo-wielding Texans opposed to the state’s new campus carry law, Professor Steven Friesen spoke briefly to present what he called “the revised Texas version of the Bible.”
“In the old Bible, Jesus says, blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God,” he proclaimed, asserting that a revised version ought to state: “blessed are the purely heartless, for they will seek NRA funding.”
He went on to mock several more of Jesus’ beatitudes, as well as what has come to be known as the golden rule, through which Jesus advises his followers to do unto others as they would have done unto themselves.
But in Friesen’s “revised Texas version,” he said the teaching would go something more like: “In everything, do unto others before they do to you, for this is state law and it profits the gun industry.”
He then moved on to one of Jesus’ teachings on the hotly contested “eye for an eye” passage found in the Old Testament, saying Jesus’ message on the scripture is “not conservative enough for Texas” and suggesting that the revised Texas version should read, “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a glock-G43 for you backpack.”
Friesen decided to conclude his remarks with his take on the Lord’s Prayer, noting that “revising the Bible won’t be enough. We’ll also need to change worship services, so in closing, please bow your head with me as I recite the Lord’s Prayer in the revised Texas version.”
“Our father, who art in heaven, hollow point be thy bullets,” he prayed. “Thy kingdom come, with many guns, on earth that send bad guys to heaven. Give us this day our daily threat, and forgive us our trespasses as we shoot those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from dildos.”
Notably, Friesen teaches in UT’s religious studies department and told Campus Reform that he was inspired to partake in the protest because he thinks “there are a lot of religious issues involved in the Texas attitude towards guns, and authority, and politics.”
While Friesen is active in a student group known as “Gun Free UT,” he said he has no official affiliation with “Cocks not Glocks,” though he thinks “they’re doing a wonderful job.”
Campus Correspondent Myah Bowermaster also contributed to this article.
Follow the author of this article on Twitter: @AGockowski