The Weekly Roundup: Because otherwise we'd have to cry

Campus Reform Reporter

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  • The headlines we were tempted to run, and the commentary we couldn’t
  • Sunday, 14 August

    Trump endorsement leads to rift among Yale College Republicans

    "Stop oppressing yourself! Stop oppressing yourself!"   

    Apparently, some of the CR’s believe it’s not enough to simply self-identify as a Republican without accepting the Party’s core tenets.

    Monday, 15 August

    California walks back attempted assault on faith-based colleges

    What part of “private universities” does Sen. Lara not understand?

    VIDEO: Hillary supporters want to repeal the 2nd Amendment

    Why have defense against those who would otherwise try to arrest you for thoughtcrime if you aspire to be a nice little groupthink, establishment sheep?

    U. of Oregon may rename two buildings over racial concerns

    So far, the Black Lives Matter-supporting students favor naming them both after Orwell, as a tribute to the architect of their dream society.

    Another all-female college to consider admitting trans-women

    Fine, everyone’s a woman. Shop one time at Bath & Body Works, you’re a woman.

    Also pork-barreled into the policy would be a provision allowing men to take classes one day a year, Halloween, provided they’re dressed in drag.

    College rankings should include diversity, engineering dean argues

    Schools hoping to attain an “B” in this category must boast an 83%-minority-or-higher student population and disavow all remaining white students. The “A” distinction is reserved for those schools with a proportion of non-minorities consisting entirely of Rachel Dolezal-style “transracial” students who wear blackface.

    At what point did actual engineers begin to aspire to become social engineers, anyway?

    Librarians ‘contend with the oppression within’ at diversity conference

    Stop oppressing yourself! Stop oppressing yourself!

    Title IX helps girls, but leaves boys behind, women’s advocate contends

    Did anybody ever consider leaving every child behind? Considering where we keep taking them, they’d probably be better off.

    Campus Reform wonders whether the lack of initiatives pushing boys into fields traditionally dominated by girls has anything to do with the fact that those fields aren’t known for their money-making capacities.

    UNM warns staff that terms like ‘crazy,’ ‘psycho’ can ‘stigmatize’ colleagues

    The sensitivity training also included a “Two Minutes Hate” during which staff members were shown a slideshow with gender-conforming and gender-neutral individuals. Passing marks were given to those who grimaced and glowered the most at anyone who didn’t look like what Steven Crowder would term “androgynous amoebas.”

    Tuesday, 16 August

    USC balks at $100M scholarship fund for ‘underrepresented’ students

    Who wouldn’t? That’s a lot of money, to put in the God of Diversity’s collection plate. Even the devout tremble when they tithe substantially, after all.

    Law prof: Investigate NRA for ‘profiting from dead children,’ not PP

    That’s dumb. The doesn’t advocate for the killing of children as one of its core services, else it wouldn't give courses in firearm safety. Planned Parenthood, on the other hand...

    The professor accuses both the left and the right of “constitutional extremism,” stating that the two sides aggressively defend the First and the Second Amendment, respectively. She may want to check the first part of that allegation.

    Ignoring Confederate history costs Vanderbilt $1.2M

    Just think how many “gender reassignment” surgeries they could have paid for with that money!

    Death to diversity

    The alternative, naturally, being that college students are gradually diversitied to death.

    Union fights campus privatization to protect its benefits

    The union claims that private companies would provide fewer jobs and lower benefits, but also that the current union workers already know how to do their jobs “efficiently.”

    One wonders whether they even noticed the contradiction there.

    Wednesday, 17 August

    Free tuition useless without K-12 reform, educator argues

    Why stop there? We would argue that free tuition is useless even with K-12 reform.

    Berkeley Chancellor resigns amid charges of wasteful spending

    Campus Reform is still working to confirm rumors that he departed through his newly-constructed escape hatch.

    Wouldn’t an ejection seat or a trebuchet been a better option, anyway?

    OKWU joins suit alleging Obama admin sex assault rules violate due process

    OK, WU!

    Prof: affirmative action ‘not necessary or desirable’

    Yes, you read that right and no, it’s not April Fool’s. A professor has said these words. Hopefully he won’t be “disappeared” by his colleagues.

    But the fact that it’s “not necessary” is exactly what makes it so “desirable” to liberals!

    Thursday, 18 August

    Conservative students allege tyranny, intimidation by Tarleton State

    Fun fact: an anagram for “Tarleton” is “tolerant.” Oh, we know. Nothing more than a fun fact.

    Prof hosts workshop on ‘how racism shapes white identity’

    She should speak for herself. And perhaps a significant portion of Seattle, as well, but that’s it.

    ‘Privilege Board’ gets prominent placement at App State

    They took flak for this when the same board was found in a laundry room. What did they think was gonna happen when they left it up in the Student Union all summer? Adulation?

    UCI sanctions Muslim students for laying siege to Jewish event

    They’re basically on indefinite probation, so it will be interesting to see how they handle themselves this school year. If they throw stones at passing Jewish students, perhaps they’ll be placed on double secret probation.

    Thankfully, this may mean that fewer Jewish girls are forced to cower behind sacks of potatoes to hide from braying mobs.

    Friday, 19 August

    Vandy upgrades social justice offerings

    Cultural competence, inclusion, a black cultural center...what a scrumptious menu! Speaking of which, can we get a side order of some organically grown, free trade food justice, please?

    Marist: Playing Duke in b-ball doesn’t mean we hate LGBT community

    That’s not what we heard. According to our sources on the Left, even just setting foot in North Carolina makes one complicit in the greatest hate crime since the Holocaust.

    Iowa mothballs bias team, citing 'high failure rate' at other schools

    Something tells us this bias assessment response team (BART) would’ve made school a little less fun than the Simpsons variant.

    Ay, caramba! Eat my shorts!

    Hollins pursues diversity through 'experimental dance,' liberal lecturers

    Well, they won’t have diversity of thought, but the “Afro furturist [sic] conjure art” is liable to draw a wild and varied crowd.

    Utah college formally allows men on women's sports teams

    ...And pushes pretty much every sport into the “fun spectator sport” category for us unathletic people and the normal “spectator sport” category for the female-identifying individuals who do not wish to get beaten (up).

     



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