The Weekly Roundup (1/11/16-1/15/16)
- The headlines we were tempted to run, and the commentary we couldn’t.
Monday 11 January
Tell us something we don’t know...
Unlike their colleagues, the anthropologists, the history professors were able to realize that contemporary political debates are not exactly their area of expertise.
And yet they continue to stoke the madness through appeasement. Expect this to become a semesterly announcement.
“I understand that the actual actor in the actual suit was always, like, a British dude. I know that. But his voice had been James Earl Jones and [blacks] liked that. So we were very interested how they were going to explain how James Earl Jones was the father of these white twins. I mean, there are ways one could explain it.”
That’s gonna be one heckuva space…
Tuesday 12 January
We saw Cruz and Rubio get into it over immigration at the most recent debate. Will this come into play?
Perhaps they were just trying to figure out how many condoms to buy.
And don’t think the queer students didn’t notice, either. Fortunately, they decided it would be most impactful to tape their own mouths, so they don’t seem to have bothered anyone too terribly.
School officials either couldn’t or wouldn’t understand our questions, so we can do no more than assume that they’re referring to those insensitive souls who forego cream and sugar.
Wednesday 13 January
Sure, but only after we pointed out to them that querying students on the minute details of their sex lives is sort of really creepy.
Sounds like a good start. Next step: replacing them with free gun zones.
That headline becomes much less surprising once you learn anything about the school.
But wouldn’t it be worth it to help the one student in five that actually graduates? It doesn’t matter—a city as broke as New York is doesn’t have the luxury of pondering such things.
Perhaps it’s an insurance policy so that today’s professors can rest assured that their propagandizing will not die with them. Or maybe they just want to extend their reach.
When Bernie Sanders agrees with you, it’s time to re-examine your positions. Finding no flaws in our own reasoning (as usual), we can only conclude that Bernie is suffering from senility, causing him to inadvertently adopt the correct position on an issue.
Thursday 14 January
At least they aren’t instructing students to report teasing to the police … anymore.
Our favorite was the email asking her for information on how to enroll in the “Barricading the Fourth Estate: How to Effectively Suppress News Media in a Public Sphere” program.
So: the same students demanding that their professors give them safe spaces free from dissenting opinions won’t even reciprocate by giving their professors a safe space free from physical intimidation? The hypocrisy is galling, but hardly surprising.
Seriously, guys. The Attorney General just said that when the law says “campus” includes all the buildings on school grounds, it means that campus includes all the buildings on school grounds.
We’re willing to take bets on the outcome of this debate, but only from those willing to wager that the Department of Education will actually listen to the EFF.
Friday 15 January
He sounds like one of those federal agents in the movies trying to make sure the local police don’t impede on their jurisdiction. Need we point out that the local police officer is invariably the hero, and usually has to clean up some mess made by the feds?
We’ve said it before, and we’ll most likely have to say it again, but: when a professor feels that their course material has to be modified so as not to provoke an armed student to shoot them, perhaps it’s not such a bad idea to modify that course material, anyway.