The Weekly Roundup: Dangerously duplicitous
- The headlines we were tempted to run, and the commentary we couldn’t.
Saturday, May 14
We would suggest they could compromise and stipulate that “black and blue lives matter,” but we’d probably be accused of appropriating the slogan on behalf of domestic violence victims. God forbid.
Administrators eventually allowed the students to replace their display, courageously mandating that it be done surreptitiously at 2:00 a.m. to minimize the risk of violent outbursts by the vandals, who remained on the scene and unpunished throughout the ordeal.
Monday, May 16
Nice try, comrades, but we suspect that most people rank laziness somewhat below poverty, repression, and mass murder on their list of socialism’s failings.
Besides, it really doesn’t matter how lazy socialists are, since no amount of effort could ever make up for the fundamental fallacies upon which their philosophy is based.
This one surprised us. Normally college students don’t seem to have much of a problem with people telling them what to think and believe.
He’s right, of course, but when has that ever been relevant?
Tuesday, May 17
Rumor has it that Melissa Click will be given responsibility for rounding up the requisite muscle to evict any students who run afoul of the new policies.
Perusing the document over lunch the other day, President Obama had to be rushed to the hospital after choking on his arugula.
Anyone still wondering how Illinois became a national laughingstock need only consider that these professors actually seem to believe that blind obeisance to public sector unions is a prerequisite to work for the state.
Their confusion can probably be forgiven, though. The legislature undoubtedly would have passed such a requirement already, had the need for one ever arisen.
Wednesday, May 18
There must be a secret clause in the First Amendment, visible exclusively to college administrators, stipulating that Americans are only entitled to freedom of speech as long as nobody can hear them.
Hey, it’s no skin off their noses. They’re college students, meaning they’ll soon be underemployed (at best) and therefore at no risk of having to chip in for the largesse they’re demanding.
It’s difficult to see how any response to a complaint about someone singing a song lyric could be considered inadequate.
Thursday, May 19
“No, no, no,” the college says. They just declined to renew his contract because his position was intended to be short-term, something that oddly hadn’t occurred to them in the past nine years.
It probably should have been a gimme, with all the flack that banner has been getting lately, but threatening to withhold ROTC funding from a military academy was a singularly dumb idea.
You’re darn skippy there was political interference from the elected officials who fund the university. Without it, she’d probably still be patrolling the campus with her “muscle” in tow.
The calls for a renewed Intifada make sense, given the context, but we’re still trying to figure out why the protesters wanted to have carnal relations with police officers.
Friday, May 20
And just to make sure those conservative students don’t try any monkey business, he even mails the letters out himself (after ensuring that they advocate his positions effectively, of course).
Is anyone else reminded of the cliché about rats fleeing a sinking ship?
Interim President Dennis Steven says he is pleased that Boykin will be returning, by which we assume he means he is pleased conservative media outlets will stop coming after his school.
Which brings up an interesting point: how often do you see conservatives actually out-protest liberals?