The Weekly Roundup: Who let these kids back on campus?
- The headlines we were tempted to run, and the commentary we couldn’t.
Monday, 22 August
It figures that Southerners would ban Abe Lincoln’s favorite song...
So, we’re in agreement: Hillary’s plan won’t work, and you can take your pick of reasons.
They must be under the impression that the means justify the ends.
They do ask at least one good question, though: “How can feminist insights about oppression be used to call attention to the inequities of power between humans and animals?”
Once one starts basing one’s intellectual positions on emotion, it can become difficult to know when to stop (the answer, of course, is “before one starts”).
No wonder Trump hates political correctness so much: it’s dragging down the value of his degree!
On the other hand, the school says it would never launch an investigation on those grounds.
Does that mean WVU is deliberately refusing to comply with its understanding of a federal law?
Tuesday, 23 August
Let’s ease up on the hyperbole, professor. Some children whose parents have jobs turn out just fine.
If a child does better in a family with one stay-at-home parent, imagine how well they’d do with two stay-at-home parents!
We couldn’t agree more: “Clinton” is easily the most sexist word we can think of.
Strangely, none of the materials seem to recommend calling for the ouster of every administrator in sight.
Either that was just an oversight, or these Heterodox Academy people really do believe in free speech.
Hennessy: a truly unfortunate surname to have if you’re going to ban liquor.
Campus Reform ruling: private universities can stop offering grad students the chance to earn extra cash while they study.
Wednesday, 24 August
It’s difficult to find any flaws in his reasoning.
We can’t help but wonder which nerds were picked last for kickball.
Because progressive common sense would dictate nothing less.
The average observer remains unsure whether the lefty kids have gleaned such petulance from their Congressional counterparts, or vice versa.
Which is likely to be more disruptive to the average college carrying a concealed firearm, or plopping down a dildo on top of a desk?
Considering the murder rate, were there really any safe spaces in Chicago to begin with?
If Cubs fans can deal with a century of disappointment and survive, surely freshman at U of Chicago can handle uncomfortable ideas.
They better not, or the SocJus Gestapo might make them see double.
Thursday, 25 August
They were given an offer they couldn’t refuse.
Bravely bold Sir Robin/Went forth from Camelot/He was not afraid to die/Oh, brave Sir Robin...
They say it was meant ironically. Does that mean what we think it means?
Of course, they could have just kept with the status quo, but where’s the fun in that?
“Feelings over facts” Democrats are obviously much more practically-minded.
Campus Reform thinks this would be a definition applicable to all areas of study:
Diversity - the mathematical certainty that some of you will choose to major in intellectual majors equipping you with skills to help society and others will opt for bogus ones equipping you with a vocabulary of “-isms” to increase capacity to complain.
Synonyms: diversity of profit, diversity of nuisance to fellow human beings
You’d be surprised at how difficult it is to not come up with some puerile, penile punnery for this headline.
Friday, 26 August
Well, libraries are places of learning. Why discriminate between useful information and disingenuous propaganda?
“Out of context, [the title of the event] is offensive and alarming,” said the school’s Vice President for Student Affairs Brian Rose.
Please do tell, Mr. Rose, in what context would the title be appropriate?
Hurry! These kids need dental work, like, now!
Given the rise of Twitter trolls and 4Chan meme lords, you’d think these guys would know better than to upload pictures of themselves holding signs.
The victory is, alas, incomplete.
And the success of appeasement has certainly had historical precedent...just look at World War II.
Right, because the decent thing to do is to ignore the problem completely, or at best address it with an ineffectual ban on alcohol that absolutely nobody will observe.
Oh, come now. How many students really identify as toilets?
Who knew there would be side benefits for UC?
They were just trying to put a bunch of snot-nosed little pre-SJWs in their place before it was too late, and now they get to skip out on the fart-smelling conference over at Northwestern.